Self-Confidence – An Introvert’s Framework

The Next Generation Wellness Self-Confidence Framework will help you to understand, develop and measure self-confidence.



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Self-Confidence – An Introvert’s Guide

When it comes to the trait of self-confidence, there are 5 pillars which when present, enable and enrich a life of self-confidence.

  • Congruence
  • Connection
  • A Courage Culture
  • Competence
  • Celebration

Let’s unpack them one by one.

  1. CONGRUENCE is when we align what we think, feel and do with our values and our self-concept.
  2. CONNECTION – Confidence rises in proportion to our belief around connection in the moment. Therefore, if we are able to increase our competency around  connection, confidence rises with it.

What does that look like?

Connection is certainly not viewing  time with other people as an opportunity to self-project.

On the flip side, connection is also NOT an opportunity to fire questions at the other person to avoid being vulnerable yourself or to avoid having eyes on you.

It’s this delicate dance of listening to hear and understand, whilst being brave enough to give a little of yourself, the real self, not the masked self.

Connection is about seeing the opportunity with people as one to learn more about them and self in order to show up better in life.

Truly connecting, gifts us new perspective, often a perspective we desperately need to take our life to another level. Otherwise, we’re just repeating what we already know. This connection opportunity also gifts us a generosity toward other people that they’re doing the best they can for what they know right now. And by default, for a self-critical introvert, because most have the pessimistic lens naturally, that generosity toward others, over time naturally feeds generosity to self.

Self-Confidence strengthens.


Obviously, we raise self-confidence when there is a belief that our knowledge, skills and abilities are high enough to complete the task at hand.

This is the variable that all perfectionists spend their time on. 

They believe that if they just get better at this, or have more knowledge on that, better skills, talents, that this capability will make them confident.

But it’s just one variable in the formula. Is it time perhaps to accept you know enough, that you’re capable enough, that perhaps the other variables could do with some time and energy investment?


This is a biggie too. 

How will you build confidence, if you don’t stretch?

Confidence does not grow within comfort. It doesn’t even stay the same. Without stretching, little by little, people overtake you. What do you suppose that realization, perhaps at the marvelous midlife, does for your confidence?

Courage will never simply show up, we need to muster it intentionally. So this CULTURE OF COURAGE we’re seeking to develop within ourselves on this confidence growth journey, is whereby the environment and your intention is focussed on nurturing courage. IT’s about your thinking and doing that drives a discipline of courage acts, versus a discipline of comfort.

Stepping into courage more and more frequently sends messaging to brain of positivity v’s fear. A small win for the brain also means that we are more willing to do it again, and we will bring greater confidence every time we show up to the courage act.


There are 4 elements to focus on to build this stretch culture without it being a major ‘stressor’.

Curiosity- we have to watch the critical side, expand self-compassion 

Communication – We need to pay attention to what we communicate internally and externally around fear, courage, confidence. We need to NORMALISE fear and uncertainty, rather than using it as an excuse not to try something.

We can identify support people who build up our courage culture and those who DEPLETE COURAGE.

SPEAK OF your COURAGE as though you already possess it: perhaps create a pattern interrupt that says: ˜Where is the evidence that I am brave“, and the brain searches for the answer. See the previous Habit Stacker episode.

And definitely no more language around: ‘try, should, might’

 Ultimately this communication element of the courage culture is to bring SAFETY to be brave, to find interest in challenging status quo. 

Conflicts: We also sometimes have to work on changing some of those old beliefs around who we are- See this episode on Brain Conflicts.

Cycles of Energy- in order to create a courage culture within you, you need to understand your cycles of energy. We all ebb and flow in energy. And we are most confident when our energy is high, yes?

There are daily cycles, monthly cycles, seasonal cycles and so on.

And then of course, we also need to be honest about our daily behaviours that either drive energy or deplete energy. Because in the long run, those slight edge behaviours, things like the continual binging on the weekend, the wine or two at night, the daily Netflix binging, the social scrolling before sleeping, all add together to deplete energy. On their own, they don’t look like a big deal, but over time they become a big deal. They deplete your energy, They steal your courage.

So this courage culture is ultimately driven by what you to, think, feel and say. And having a measureable accountability process around it. That is one big reason why The Whole Life Success Planner was developed. To put this work into daily practice. To maintain focus on new habits. To shine a light on your patterns of thinking or doing or being that keep you in status quo. It’s a very powerful tool.

FINALLY the 5th variable to creating unique self confidence is CELEBRATION.

If you’re like me, you’re pretty good at getting things done, but your eyes focus on what you haven’t rather than what you have. We don’t tend to take moments of celebration to see our wins, our growth, our achievements. 

And we can not continue on a stretching path without stress, if we don’t celebrate.

And I’m not talking big rewards, I’m just referring to a little moment when I cross off a non-negotiable habit in my planner, or mark off 2 out of my 3 objectives, or when I score a 5/5 on the way I showed up that day. The little wins for the brain, that little by little stack together to change who we believe ourselves to be. We must measure and celebrate what we set out to change or improve within ourselves.

No character trait is unchangeable. Our human potential is uncapped. But it’s up to you to let go of the label, to live with congruence with who you are and what’s important to you, foster more meaningful connections, develop a courage culture and to celebrate all of this, every time you do it.

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